Love letter #8

I know you missed me yesterday. Please note, however, that it’s not always about you.

Dear World,

Why is it that when a family loses a loved one, your natives find themselves at the family house with “dem long han” expecting to be fed and sit down and watch the family try to forget that death surrounds them? Why can’t your people cook some food and take it to the family. It would be a “we’re so sorry about the death of your loved one”. Condolences does not have to be expressed in the manner of a greeting card or a letter. They could even go there just to give a hug and have a chat if the grieving family feels like talking. World, I know you will say that it’s good homely manners to offer your visitors food. I hope you envisioned me rolling my eyes just now.

Why is it that the church in which the funeral is held turns death and grief into a money-making business? Really?! Charging the family (whether church member or not) money for the use of the facility; and adding insult to injury they collect an offering from the bereaved to add to “the church building fund” – ha! ‘Cause I was born yesterday – negro please. I am yet to witness or hear about a church that charges naught and collects no offering for their “building fund” at a funeral. World, if you know of such a church, wait until I have ranted before you name names and places. Thanks. Why can’t they collect an offering to go to a more worthy cause than to the church? Why can’t they offer to help the grieving family with monetary situations surrounding the funeral and the burial and all other things attached with laying the loved one to rest? How about helping the family (no strings attached) with bills that the deceased have left behind? Come on man! Where’s the humanity that these people preach day in and day out? ‘Bout they preaching one thing and doing another. “Dem tek man fi fool”. I scream “FRAUD” in their faces. || At my father’s funeral, at my granddad’s funeral and my uncle’s funeral I gave no money||. Call me mean all you want but the churches had received so much money already, why the hell should I, a member of the grieving family have given them more money? They can suck my big toe with that nonsense. Others can give, but I wont. Someone else or somewhere else can get my offering.

Tell the congregation that the offering will go to a children’s home or to an infirmary or something of the sort and then consideration might be given.

Why is it that at the funeral, you hear serious cow bawling from persons with absolutely no relation and linkage to the family? Get the hell outa here with that. Let your people (who behave in that manner) know that it’s not about them at that point. It’s fine if they want to cry but they should leave the cow bawling to people who actually knew the dead. They need to stop that behaviour. It’s not cute or even sad. I believe that scary is the word.

Why is it that after the funeral, your people  (who attended) feel as though they must go to the family’s house and get food to eat with not a damn thing to offer? I feel as though it’s an expectation. “Not a baxide!” Leave the grieving family alone! Their minds and bodies are already tired from the stress experienced throughout the journey of the loved one dying till burial.

Why is it that  the  family of the deceased feel as though they should entertain all manner of people to drink and be merry with at such a sad time? Yes, it’s all about remembrance and not being so down and out but for crying out loud! All the expense is on the family. ‘Tis very taxing. I believe that if any big cooking and “siddung fi chat and membah” will take place, it should be family members only. No one else shall enter. I could care less who they are. The only way other people should be welcomed is if they carry food they prepared and they wish to treat the grieving family ( and that’s if the family genuinely wants it).

The people of Suburbia are guilty of doing such things. Only a few of them share my views on these issues. I would like to think that some of your people think the way I do in this regard.

By the way, when I say family I am not speaking of relatives only. I speak of close friends too. Family isn’t just about being related through blood and through marriage. I do not care what your dictionaries say either, World.

When I die, I hope my family will fulfill my wishes to not invite a bunch of people who I never knew or people who never knew me to my house to eat and drink and do whatever else they please. Family only! At the funeral, I would like it if no one from my family gives to the “church building fund”. After my funeral, no one outside of the family should be at my house. World, I can hear you saying that I would be dead and therefore have no control of what might happen but damn it man; these are my wishes. Shut up and let me voice them as I please. I’d like to think that my family would honour them.

This is how I feel.

I’ll talk to you soon, World.

Signed with love,

Candice K.

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