Love letter #30 | My Life as a sitcom II

Dear World,

I’m not sure if I’ve ever expressed to you how much of an awkward young lady I am. The last sitcom-esque experience I had, was that one time when I got locked up in the library at school. lol. Yes, laugh at will. As awkward and embarrassing as it was, it was funny too.  Please revisit Love letter #20 to read about that library experience.

So as a young lady, I go through some bodily changes from month to month and as such, there are certain items that one must purchase in order to embrace and endure this aspect of my lady ness. I’m sure you can understand what I’m talking about. If you can’t understand it, think about it long and hard.

I’ll wait while you take some time to think about it.

Menstrual cramps, bloating, mood swings, back pains, migraines and the main one; period.

Once my time of the month approaches, I treat my visits to the store as a mission. Now, don’t laugh, it’s a serious matter. My mission has a logical framework and after execution, I do a SWOT analysis in order for me to obtain the best results for future endeavours. I include a problem statement, goals, indicators, objectives and a means by which the goals and objectives can aid in accomplishing them. I plan to the T and I usually get everything right; from planning straight through to the execution.

What I tend to do is do a full on shopping and buy everything that I need… (not just for my personal hygiene, but food and whatever else). So my logical framework tackles my real problem and also gets other work done. Brilliant, right? Yeah. I know.

However, the other day my mission failed and it could not have been any more awkward.

I go into the store and shopped like I always do with my list and my price watching… you know – trying to get value for money. I reach the cashier and pack out on the conveyor belt, I paid for my stuff and took the bags.

Mission accomplished another time, yes!

Low and behold, I’m walking with all my groceries. I almost reach my destination and I hear somebody shouting to me to say “Lady in the Green!!! You leave supm inna di supermarket!”. At this point in time, I thought that it was a mistake. Anywho, I walked back to the store and I saw a store clerk with the packs of sanitary napkins and the baby wipes that I had picked up. My face flushed immediately. -_-. I knew they were mine. Please note that the clerk was a grown manly macho machisimo man and he says to me… “are you the lady who left these items?” He said those words loud enough for enough people (mainly men coming from the gym) to hear. Then somebody said, “Ye, a she lef ar pad dem”. I nervously laughed and said yes…took them and walked out as fast as I could.

Little ole me, Ms. Suburbia who ALWAYS (tell me if you get it) lol, plan to the T, mess up the mission because I was so caught up with getting in and out of there as fast as I could…mi go figet the main items. *kiss mi teet*

 

I was so disappointed in myself, World. If I was of fair complexion, everybody would have known how embarrassed I felt. Can you imagine? After I plan so well and have been executing the same plan for so many times before…and mi go fail? What made it worse was that I failed when all those manly macho machisimo type men filled up the supermarket and those folks just loud mi up. “A your pad dem and tings dis?” They really couldn’t have been a bit more low in their voice pitch? Really though?

Yeah, yeah…laugh at me all you want. I swear, this episode of my sitcom-esque life was a bit more embarrassing.

I did my SWOT analysis and I decided that if my supermarket mission fails again and my business gets ‘louded up’ I’ll do this:

  1. Blow it off like no awkwardness exists.
  2. Ask the clerk to put the stuff down and buy more feminine items.
  3. Smile, say thank you, collect the items and wish everyone who hears my business, a good night/day.

Moral of the story is this: Even your well planned missions have hiccups and at the end of the day, you do what you have to do to get the job done. Additionally, awkward and embarrassing things happen, you deal with them and move on; plus, these situations make for better stories. :p

Stay tuned for more episodes of this sitcom type life that I live.

 

Signed with love,

Candice K.

 

 

 

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4 Comments Add yours

  1. Nichelle says:

    DWL dude you’re killing me. read this at work and my coworker looked concerned about my mental health. was choking on my laughter in a perfectly quiet store. smh 🙂

    1. lol! Sorry I made you choke hon. Hey…that’s my life. seriousness but pure laughs for days.

  2. Germaine Bryan says:

    LMAO I would have died to see this in real life :””’D

    1. lol. I’m sure experiencing it in real life would have been even more funny than it is to read about it.

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