I saw my grandmother in a dream last weekend. She didn’t say anything. When I looked away from a particular space and returned my gaze, I saw her behind a screen and there she stood.
Grams was in a lovely burgundy dress with the cutest hat and the smallest clutch purse in her hands. Her face was pleasant and I could tell she was happy.
Though I was overjoyed to know she was pleased and present, I had an out-of-body experience.
Grams is dead.
She passed away in January of this year (2019). My subconscious dreaming mind knows this! So why, for the love of all things eerie or none eerie, did she appear!?
In dreamworld, I felt my body grow cold and my knees buckled where I later collapsed to the floor.
Why was she there?! In the dreamworld, burst into tears.
I looked away and returned my gaze.
She was gone.
I woke up confused and distressed.
When she was alive, Grams would always say, “dream si ole dead, new dead a come”.
She was right.
One week later and the grim reaper entered my life again.
On Saturday (Nov 2nd) one of my dearest grandaunts – my Grams’ ‘favourite’ sister – passed away.
I mean, she was ailing…so her passing was just a matter of time. But, damn man. Why did she have to go?! Modern medicine didn’t do enough.
Like Grams, grand aunty was one of those persons I never expected to go. So, I took it hard. I am taking it hard.
Prior to my grand aunt’s passing, I made plans to road trip on November 2nd. So – after bawling – I got ready and faced the world and its people while grieving.
Little did I know that it was gonna rain and the public transportation system was gonna be slower than a Good Burger order. By the way – I wore sandals and I left my umbrella.
Once I exited the comfort of the suburbs- I could feel an existential dark and gloomy spirit engulf my soul.
Ironically enough, the road-tripping included ‘duppy stories’ (ghost stories) and illumination in the darkest of spaces.
The duppy Great House story I’ll reserve for another day. But Glistening Waters? The essence of luminescent waters had me. All the figurative meanings flooded my mind.
I learned that in a few areas of open water lies marine organisms that glow when disturbed.
To test it out, a few of my friends and I jumped out of/climbed out of a boat and disturbed the eerily still warm and cold water. The product?
Water that glows!
The science behind the glow is way deeper than I have time to explain. But, the point is, I witnessed a God/Yahweh/Mother Earth/Buddah/Jah feature in the World that Science explains well. This explanation has also left me with some life lessons.
In your most still and dark moments, some disturbance will allow you to shine where you’ll light up and brighten your spaces.
You get bouts of sunshine to feed your reserves so that when the light goes, you’re still able to light the spaces beside and behind you.
You light up not just as a response to disturbance. You light up so that you may inspire and guide others around and behind you to light up as well.
So, Candice (and whoever needs to read this) the darkness and disturbance in your life is saying that you need to shine. So shine on baby! Shine on.
And, true story. As I wrap this up, a pain has kicked me in the uterus. I go to investigate and realise that my damn period has started.
Just great. All I need in my life is more pain.
Signed with love,